your in control of me no more

back to my broken self

2006-12-23T01:26:00.000-08:00

For once I thought I was whole. I thought I can be happy and have my perfect world. But now I know it was just a visit, a vacation to happy land and I have to go back to my old world. Why? I’m tired of asking, of looking for reason; I’m even more tired to fight. I am so tired of fighting for happiness, for proving to others that I am living to prove to myself that there is a reason why I am me .I am tired writing sad articles, I’m sad okay? I am just a sad little girl who has never tasted a lollipop, who wants something sweet cause she’s tired being bitter. Maybe happiness isn’t for me. Maybe I should be contented in being broken, being empty in being on the dark side. Someone tell me I meant for that so I could stop trying to put myself back, so I can stop living so I can stop wishing I can be more than a piece of shit. Because you know, maybe this is the reason why I am here, to take the crap for everyone, to be one.:

just everytime

2006-11-26T05:05:00.000-08:00

everytime i talk to you i feel so happy. i dont know why. i idolize you as in like 200 and 1 % , and i love seeing you, i love talking to you and i love knowing that im blessed to have you. and i hate knowing that next year youre not here anymore. but the thing is that feeling only lasts while im talking to you, after that moment all i think about is if y0u mean what you say i mean gets ... nakikipagplastican ka lang ba talga? anu ba? shit. :((

kids should be able to kiss.

2006-11-24T02:56:00.000-08:00

okay. im very emotional today haha.

well heres the thing, miss patricia evangelista our gift moderator told us to describe how our first kiss would be like so we did, it was fun doing that quite frankly it would be more fun doing "it" . after that she had us watch this documentary its about operation smile, poeple who are giving almost free operation to kids who have cleff lips? (is taht what its called)and to the kids who "brains are leaking". if you saw the documentary youll feel what i feel now. since we were dismissed i couldnt care less about assignments or even my class tommorrow in ateneo, all i can think of are ways to help them. ive seen people who are like this before even worse, it got through me but not as much as this did. i dont know maybe because i saw miss pat almost cry, i thought that was her twin sister or something, not that she's not sensitive she jsut doesnt look like someone who will cry over those stuff, so unlike me. maybe becase im "writing abook" my very first, well technically our,and its for a purpose. or maybe because this is a way of me thanking God for my life. for whatever reason, i want to do something, something for the kids. and since im still working my guts of to ask sister aganas help about this...im appealing to my friends we have this sort of fundraising for the kids, please help us a kid needs 15thou for the medication since the doctors work for free... and we need to raise that kind of amount para kahit one kid...:) thanks...
p.s. the title? its because people with this disease could never kiss someone..:(( show that you care you know how to reach me...:)

pl

master of nothing.

2006-11-10T04:49:00.000-08:00

IM actually not in the mood to write right now. but i am blogging anyway. this is the last thing im doing before i do all the stupid stuff. im pretty sure less than 5 people read this but no problem.(stupid friemdster kasi ayaw ako ipablog) i dont mind. less people secrets are safer. bleeehh liar. for once i wont have a blog if i dont want someone to read it right? so yeah. im used to it few people caring about me, trusting me having faith in me, i dont have my "thing" kasi like dindin has math.. jack of all trades masterr of nothing and it sucks.

next year... my whole barkada *except alex, dindin ren bA? Will be in creative writing (gift) gahh. not that im not happy, i should be, more bonding time for us. but the thing is.. this is suppose to be my thing, in this class i can be good, even the best sometimes, in this class i can be me, i can do my thing but with them around ill always be second best. this is the problem when yopur friends are geniuses. stupid me. yes i fear that even this be taken away from me. this is the only prestige i get, to be in poat evnagelistas class and for her to call me a good writer.:((

stuck in baguio

2006-10-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

im stuck in baguio with other delegates for the cmli thing.
it's fun considering that i'm writing this is baguio country club( wi fi!)
dont get me wrong, we didnt have the time of our life here, (ate annies reading this:)) we were stuck in a dorm with the all insects, dirty room, noisy people partying outside your room, toilet with no flush and with out doubt ghosts.
setting all those aside there are these 3 main reasons why this convention pretty uch sucked

3. i lost
2. discussions were boring
1. there was no, not evn one or close to... HOT guy.
\wait g2g tita adettes gonna use her laptop ciao

mixed feelings.

2006-10-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

i have like 10 topics/ moods/ whatever. to compress in this stupid blog entry. what percent of markdown is than? crap

MATH
never in my life have i had that low grades in math. okay im not bragging. im not implying anything exceot that i did my best yet all efforts come unrecruited *there bea i used it correctly right?* and sometimes its tiring. its tiring t0 give your freaking best and have someone get credits more than you do. okay stop comparing im jsut damn right depressed. but...

I LEARNED THAT GRADES IS NOT WHAT MATTERS.
yes im annoyed i cried but now i guesswriting this here should be a closure. its third quarter who the hell cares about the past the only thing i can do is learn from it the stupid mistakes. know that i have to forgive myself. yeah yeah ill cry again when my parents get mad*will they? hope not--being a little subtle i think tita girlie's reading this, if you are tita dont please* or when they give there disapproving looks but the hell i cant blame anyone but me right? no one took the test but me.*i mean my test* i wanted to be in SD i could have declined but i didnt. i have to be strong i have to stop being dependent of what others think about me or what numbers tell me i am...beacause they're wrong. they dont say a thing about me. plus maybe tahts why i attended the mass awhile ago not to ask the Lord for higher grades but to ask Him to help me through this, accept that im human i make mistakes.

HER, DOES SHE KNOW?
she acts as if she didnt hurt me * no not you not you golly banana(you know who you are:))* i mean yeah sure i not all or atleast i dont show her but thats not the point she jokes as if she didnt humilate me in that----------------------------------- and acts as if we're close again. I have forgiven but i have yet to forget it. deary dear dear... you're making things worse...

USER MUCH?
p.l. can you print this can you print that ah sh*t you only come to me when you need me now i know what -- and ------ meant last year you're such a user.

bleehhh timatamad na ko.

REVIEWING...NOT!

2006-10-12T21:26:00.000-07:00

WOHOO. exams over although i still have tons of things to do im freaking happy *hey am i writing something happy? this is so weird!* anyhow... some subj. were si hard but thats fine its done anyway. right???? hehe

anne curtis is playing in game ka na ba* sorry na baduy* hehe uhm she's so sexy andaya niya. i wanna be sexy kaso my body frame is really "big' so ayun blehh someday makakaimbento ren ako ng pampalait ng bones??? hehe pang asar.:) anyhow... wait anne go anne uhh talo na siya..blehhh pangasar:)
hehe anyhow sige na nga im just waiting for someone to go online..,:)

anyhow to lafi.
dude. stop. know what if you think we're real friends you wont think we'll forget you or replace you with someone else. this is our life now. we're apart but that doesnt mean you're not part of our lives anymore. all the more that someone had or can replace you. believe in the friendship and make more friends there in calinfornia... we miss you yes...we miss you to death but life has to go on.:)

at least

2006-10-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

we're fine now.at the very least.
I feel good about it i just wish she didnt know nalang. that b didnt tell her...cause sooner or later i'll be able to forgive her ren naman. Maybe?ewan
I'm just glad we're okay na. i cant promise that i'll be sweet and stuff again. not yet. gahhh. haha anyhow i dont want to add burden in my life by being at war with my friend...but i still dont want that to be the only reason for me to her as my friend

thanks bea. ilove you:)

2006-10-11T04:54:00.000-07:00

geez thanks bea:)answers to some stuff soon with eba's commentary *bea you better:))

--you're just jealous--
i wont deny sometimes i am *we are* but we find it in ourselves that its more than that and for the people who knows us truly they'llsay i'm saying the truth.

--minding of own bussiness--
* bea's reaction:))*it is your *my* bussiness. she's hurting you. thats no one's bussiness but yours.:)

anyhow. please.. if you gguys must react or whatsoever. please do consider if you know the personmaybe she's not pessimistic maybe you just dont know whats happening.I get jealous but i ont let that be the reason for me to hate someone. i dont. until they're too much. AND YOU. someday you'll see you seem to have everything but you feel empty...thats because you dont have real friends or atleast you've lost them.

2006-10-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

what have i become?
i have no idea. why am i so jealous of her? Why do i feel this way and why in the world have i changed for the worse?

I have been the stupidest person for letting her, pr0blems for that matter to get to me. i hate this. i used to be this person who knows what is right, who prays to the lord and ask him to help me be stronger, to help me be who he asks me to be. but now everything is just a blur i dont know why i dont even know whats happening. Why cant i be just that hurt yet strong person why do i have to be this world hating person who fights the people who hurt her? i have to learn to love not only myself but others aswell. I have to learn how to forget the hurt and learn to be strong. I have to make this person whole again. I need time. i need to find who i am, or who i used to be... before that person cease to exist hayy

you're still lucky lafi.

2006-09-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

you're still lucky dude. you experienced all those things when you moved out the country thats normal. you have to learn and grow up from that. but me????? i have been experiencing that since hell i could remember. i have always been alone. i have always been eating ALONE. "freak?" i am. i have always been out of place not knowing where i belong. if i even belong anywhere. people here jsut makes life even more miserable. im may be wrong by saying youre lucky but youre wrong by saying you arent. its always hard to start remember what sir mike said "the beggining is always the hardest part of the work"... you know whats even harder? to be rotten to be stuck in a place where you dont wnat to be. i dont like st.paul lafi and you now that, but i deal with i live i satnd up and i do not give up. direction? i dont know if i have one either all i know is that i want to keep moving forward because if i wont the past would eat me up and thats way too painful for me to take. y9ou do the same ause you know what? we're not your past... we are still your present. :)

fuck

2006-09-20T02:01:00.000-07:00

i hate her. ayun lang.
anyway
i love chamy.cheska.kate.estela.erin.michelle.dindin. for being there for me today love you guys:)

"i dont hate you i just dont like you now"

2006-09-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

this was a statement well a status intended for me... i feel stupid for actually getting affected... i feel stupid for not liking her and all the more for not hating her at this point. I feel the annoyance, i feel like not talking to her...but there's something about her that makes me stop noy liking her. NO I DONT HAVE A THING FOR HER. EWWW. im just not that type of person...

TIME

2006-08-22T02:39:00.000-07:00

time is such a strong force it can either heal wounds or, create space. what has time done to us? why are feeling uncertain? why is tom. unknown? i missed you yeah, but im not sure i missed being with you.

why are people so curious about time? even einstien tries to divuldge the secret of time. why? maybe because it can do so many things and like what life brings us its unknown.

time has done me quite a number of favors yet it has also cause separation for me. often people wish that time would stop but what will happen for those who suffer will they just suffer forever? i hope even for a certain minute when everybody's happy, when im with him... then time would stop. Just stop for awhile because i know after that minute he's letting me go:(

vendetta?

2006-08-17T01:14:00.000-07:00

i havent blogged for so long. argh. hahah.so song fest... lets not talk about it okay im happy because we know we did are best i just wish that our efforts could have paid of. but as they say no good deed goes unpunished maybe somewheresomeday a blessing will come our class shall win something.
anyway re: our class the best year? no. not yet. not really. i dont knowi love most of my classmates and almost...for the first time(wait that aint right how can something be almost the first time whatever point is am no that sure if it ever happend before, it did when i was in grade 6 i think)i can go with any barkada in my room as in any and wouldnt feel o.p its like im close with all of them but.... for some unexplainable reason i'm not really happy in this class not as happy as with 6-3. i dont know why.
well for one i feel as if my adviser despise me with all her mind heart and soul. for some reason i feel as if she doesnt believe in me. tss. cliche i know but... she makes me feel as if toot is the only one who can do good right as if having her in my class *her being...toot* is not enough for me to feel that way. geez there has been "silent protest" about how obvious that she has favoritism. fuck. i really dont know do i hate her no. she's a good teacher at the very least but... BUT.

reunited in place called home

2006-08-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

i am really not in a mood to write so forgive if this would look like a draft but you konw i have to write about this thing...why? because what if something happens to me later and i die then they wouldnt know how much i enjoyed the day with them would they or if ever i live and have amnesia then i might forget who they are and what happened yesterday(0811/06) and i dont wnat that to happen okay maybe my imagination is eating me up making me think about this but what if? right
so who and what am i talking about.ielle,icia,sarah,janel,kaye and miss anorico shang.reunion.

ielle, icia, sarh janel kaye and i arrived shang at around 4 after the practice, then we were able to watch click trust me it was a very good movie!miss a arrives at around 7 we she treated us at green potato ate, i freaking ate carbonara. kahit ayoko nun it tasted okay di ko lam bakit siguro kasi si ms.a yung naglagay sa plato ko wehehehe. anukaya yun parang baby kulang nalang subuan pa ko:) tapos nag national kami ang funny talaga nun. yung suot ni sarah kahawig ng suot ni panday weheheheh. tapos nun... bumili kami nila sarahng coloring book para sa aming 3 nila janel.tapos si miss a bumili ng wrapper,,,sesame street. until that moment i felt bad na-o.op kasi ako.:) pero yun sarah and janel left na tapos 3 nalang kami ako si miss a si kaye LIKE OLD TIMES dati 3 nalang kami parati sa rm3 tapos nagfood court kami. tapos nag usap kami sa food court nag kwentuhan nag reminisce...tos yun dun ko nafeel na parang wlang tatalo sa sais tres na parangkahit anong nangayri sa amin though how many times i got hurt because of her,them somehow its easy to forget its easy to forgive. its easy to hug them again and say hey iloveyou. iloveyou so much. of course yoou wouldn'tunderstand. you were enver part of sais tres. she may be your friend but she was never your inay. and vice versa. she was both to me so everytime... she fails to be my friend soemhow... i see her as my inay...basta mahirap eexplain. and kaye. walaalng suddenly i felt... wait lang siya yung best friend ko DATI and yun ewan. tos mag gugudbye na kami....tos biglang sinabi ni ms.a "alam niyo yun lang yung gusto ko sa universal remote eh pwede mong ulit uliting yung mga masasayang moment, pwede ko ireplay yung magkakasama pa tayo" then kaye and i said "sana nga"but we all know it couldnt happen... ms.a told us masaya siya kasi mas kaunti yung stress na nadadala ng bago niyang job... kso lang sabi niya.."wla naman kayo"...aww. and yun i had to say goodbye. paalam ulit sa kanya...pero hindi kagaya dati walang see you tom. kasi yung tom. na yun uncertain na kung kailan.
"and i know why you could not come along with me this was not your dream but you always believed in me,,, a million people but i still feel alone let me go HOME"
miss a to six-three, six-three to miss a.... "but we will always remeber,IT FEELS GOOD TO COME HOME"

WHY?

2006-07-31T04:37:00.000-07:00

i failed another quiz today. er. i feel so sad maybe thats shallow if you think of it. but thats not all. i mean duh. fromthe start of this school year i lost my wallet, lost a project failed quizzes had dengue, got hit by a stupid "soft"ball*and i have to say it wasnt soft no at all!* and so many things are happening in my freaking life. stupid. i feel so little, so helpless. someone. help. me.

chaos. again.

2006-07-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

there is so much going on. chaos. in my world. within myself. i dont know how to feel ofcourse i try to be happy..to look happy but i cant help but see what really lies between, what is skin deep the sadness...beyond the smiles beyond the laughter. i cant seem to find a sponge who absorb every ill feeling,,, if i do maybe it'll give up aswell...

re: not being serious with life DAMN IT. stop telling me that. i try. but unless you know me... you'll not understand.

OO na favorite mo na siya... halata naman eh. bwisit. sorry.

?

2006-07-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

Its something I’ve searched for so long, ive wanted it so badly eversince I could remember wondering how it is, how will it feel, but now that I think I saw a glimpse of it im not sure I want it that much. It wasn’t as magical as I thought it would be, he wasn’t as sweet as I perceived my prince charming would be.does he even care for me? I don’t know. Are we in a relationship? No. does he feel the way I do? I don’t know I don’t even know what Im feeling I don’t know how to describe it all I know is as of this moment I cant grasp the idea of being with someone of someone loving me. Or not, confused. So you dude if you’re reading this tell me if your feeling are true. Make that show me

please. yes i am hopeless romantic. eww. heheh
sorry sa mga typo

may song ako

2006-07-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

im over you somehow only lord knows how i had the strength to move on and dear the more you put me down only lord knows how you give me the strength to move on
i lie in bed wondering whats the chances i dont want to be alone all i really needed was answers or the love you give to me
BOY...HEAVEN KNOWS KNOWS THAT I CRY I NEEDED YOU HERE BY MY SIDE BUT NOW IM OVER YOU.
IM OVER YOU SOMEHOW ONLY LORD KNOWS HOW I HAD THE STRENGTH TO MOVE ON

hahah i like this song so much but no i havent moved on

you know what i jst cant seem to grasp the idea of letting or maybe i have but the doing part is just a little illusive. whatever. so much to do.

ENGLISH UMMMMMMMMMM!

2006-07-11T02:52:00.000-07:00

ENGLISH UMMMM!
Im so happy—hay we lost heheJ wait im not happy we lost in the contest(jingle making) but even though we lost im still happy—anu daw labo ko. Basta, I wont dny the fact that I was hoping to actually win but what the hell, its easy to be happy and remember to thank God when things went right for you but in our case we did. Im so happy that we ended the thingy with a prayer, im grateful that though we lost the smile in my classmates face did not fade

Pero lam nyo naasar ren ako kasi parang someone said… alam mo himdi ako sanay matalo—that ruined the being optimistic of our room given the fact that she was the one who did not attend most of the practices. Here’s the thing baby, you win some you lose some plus you don’t have the right to say such things when you were the one who didn’t do much you were giggling and doing other stuff while practice.

Anyway!

Our group was the one who made the tune for that jingle tos ngayon kami ulit nanalo dun sa muisic hai bawi nalang!:)
p.s. I love miss alejandro! Ang bait bait niya!

pati si miss pedrajas:)

no school today

2006-07-05T23:03:00.000-07:00

no school today! well atleast fro me it turned ouyt that i had dengue, its really weird because i absent myself now, when the dengue is gone. its juyst dengue 1, i didnt bleed just had fever but now i have this weird red spots which signals the dengue is over but my mom let me stay home anyway, is it fun? not really but its a day to rest i guess.

God help me, i crawling... my grades are going down im such a slow learner, i ve been doing stupid mistakes left and right. Im in the creme crowd yes, but still i have many to prove not to other people but to myself and slowly my dreams are being taken away from me. i guess i have to take this day to think of things i can do to actually think clar my head so that tommorrow hopefully everything will be better.Everything will go well for me.

change topic. im so happy i choise creative writing as the "gift"you wouldnt get it if you dont study or teach in SPCP its like a club to mold your talents something like center for excellence.so going back PATRICIA EVANGELISTA IS MY FREAKING TEACHER! name sounds familiar? thought so. she won in london as the best in debate or something she has column in the phil.daily inquirer evry sunday so you have to read it! she's so cool!!!:)

you dont know me:/

2006-06-12T04:46:00.000-07:00

tom ill be in a different building same school, same pl. i dont see the point of changing for the better(atleast while im in school) because they have judged me already so why bother change? besides they dont know me anyway. THEY THINK THEY DO WHEN ACTUALLY THEY DONT. im back in that hell... with people who pretends to be angels when they are not. ill be trying to fit it even if i know somehow its all pointless. ill be back in a place where i dont want to be i mean duh they make me feel like i dont belong... i know i shouldnt allow them... but wtf... im human. trying to be a good one.but still im hurting. deep inside.:(( so yun nagupload ako ng pix ko heheh yun

2006-06-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

The last day of vacation it is—damn! I’m sorry im not really this bum kind of person who hates studying I just don’t like school period. maybe Im just being all pessimistic about this but how different can high school be? except harder lessons whatever. People expecting you to be more responsible and mature(by people I mean parents and teachers) same people. Same batchmates…_geez_ im just not excited to go back i wasnt really able to enjkoy my vacation and i could use a couple more days but wht the heck can i do anything? heheh

buti nalang hindi ko siya classmate and her and her joke aus lang naman jkahit sino yung classmate ko eh :))

kaye...

2006-06-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

i cried last night thinking how it used to be... how we fought in grade2 and became bestfriends on the sixth grade. she was always there for me every step of the way...she visited me in the hospital everytime she can always made sacrifices for me.... i told myself she will be my best friend till the end of time... and then there was grade i hope that year never happened i hope i never read the letter... i hope she never made that one. i hope i never had to loose her and see her happy with someone else and make me wish that those people are me. we "faught" with me not knowing why...alll i know is that she despises me for whatever reason i respect...

i remembered this day when i got back to school from the hospital, it was one of the happiest days of my life. i arrived on wheelchair...no one is in our "temporary classroom"... i came in and waited,,,after5 min.kaye saw me and she threw the books she was holding,,, hugged me... i wish that moment wouild last forever... i felt loved...i felt missed i felt complete... now i wonder how could that person be the same as the one who hates me?

i dpnt know...
i just miss her
and if you're reading this... mind telling her i love her so much

"i love you best"

:((

life sucks

2006-06-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

so morbid so angsty...so me.
i am where i dont want to be ii study in a place where...no comment....
im surrounded by people who soon will leave life sucks.

people dont know me yet they judge me
spreading rumors about me as if they are true
always anxious, always afraid always unwanted tell me...is life beautiful?

when i was a kid i told myself ill be this hero who'll save this important person*ala sam madison* well beacuse it was the right thing to do. Guess what i will still do that only because i want to die.

people always leave you making you feel less cared for...loved whatever.
you can never have what you want or who you want well in my case yun na yun

you so called friends ditch you and leave you
and your always the doormat

you drown yourself in tears thinking of this person you thought you thought you once had but truthfully never was he/she yours

you stare at the sky thinking someday you'll be at peace...but before you'll ever reach that state you're already crazy, pathetic...a looser.

YOU WANT SOME ADVICE?
ILL GIVE YOU SOME
never love so your heart will not break
never give so you'll never be empty
never smile so youll never have to pretend when you dont feel like anymore

never be me... or else you might live wanting to die

life sucks.

-pl

lafis leaving

2006-05-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

hay lafi's leaving and i still dont know what to do im over the fact that people are leaving me... that we cant always have what we want and keep who we love we just cant ... i know! but as princess mia said
"the concept is grasped the excecution is just a lil" * i dont know what the word is* bad ill say bad.... thats how i felt thats how i feel i know its just bad i feel like a freak gosh... tsss i really dont know

hottie i need you:)edited lang...

2006-05-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

Wohoo!
Just came home from tagaytay so tired but still im here blogging tagal na kasi na hindi ako nakakapag blog anyway,,,It was so so fun! We stayed in chateau royale… the place was nice there pool was big and clean… it was so so coldJ yeheyJ haha. Went to a party there and I met this cute guy grabe men he was so hot… he looks like Nathan of one tree hill even hotter! Gawd!... haha I hope I can see him again but…when?! Huhuh that’s the question and I don’t have the answer! Waaaah. anyways yun nag horse back ang saya i did it all alone yay! hahah

iyon... saya naman ... hayy yeah so chnage topic tayo...it hit me when i heard someone say,,, wag ng lagayan ng drama ang lahat which is so true. we make the already complicated life even harder when we do that... if people leave let them nobody said you can have them if someone hurts you dont let them because you can say they cant... your life is yours...yun...haha yan ang drama na ah basta yun. ;)

stop it. it hurts.

2006-04-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

stop it it huts. those were the four word i texted her last night. i mean now i dont see any reason for her to actually be cold, "i have to detach?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" bleh. BAKIT SAKIN LANG? and what the heck for.? tell you what hindi naman kailangan eh gusto mo lang talaga... tell you what you tell me that ypu do it even if it will hurt you? your not just hurting yourself but also me. but im this stupid girl still trying my best to be sweet to you. uhm yes? ano nananamang rason kung bakit kailangan? i'm sick and tired of doing what you say "we have to do" even if we dont...we dont... you just want to... because your afraid to get hurt. im not, cause if i am ill stay away from you.

2006-04-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

I promise myself that I will never never have a kid unless im ready for the responsibilities! Hate.. argggh. I promise myself that I will never let my daughter do what I am suppose to do moreover never blame her for something that I am supposed to do, know why? Cause I know ill make my daughters life a living hell. Duh. they are so inconsiderate. i do things alone all the time whats wrong with them?! bloody hell.

halo halo

2006-04-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Waaah mtg inhouse is so near. D*mn it. I feel so stupid I don’t understand a thing sige na sige na… and what ill hear those awful comments from ms know it all oo na matalino ka na. argg. Hahah kidding. Hmmm…
I did this last October I think and it still applies to me…I mean to one person or more?

"be thankful for the people who are true to you: for they are rare. Be grateful for the people who loves you no matter what for they are one of a kind. show them that you care for them, learn to value them. Who knows they are the true friends you've been waiting for. All this time you say youre always the second best, maybe not maybe you just dont notice the people who are truly there for you no matter what. this people dont ask much they dont ask you to have them as your number 1 priority or to give them the same love they give you, usually they only seek and ask two things from you, dont make them a fool, and dont make them regret that they loved you. but more often than not these simple wishes from those people are forgotten they are taken for granted. Mind you time will come they will get tired will just stop and you will hear them utter those words you never expected could come from such a very dependent soul: " its over now, ive given everything, but it wasnt enough, ive loved you too much and
did not leave something for myself now is the time to find myself back a thing i cant do while im stupidly trying to be the best for you. im' so tired...you just aint worth it" and when you here those words youll be ashamed and sad cause thats when youll realize that you've lost someone...TRUE.

wahhhh. yes senti ako parati im happy naman im just senti... i probobly wont write here pag sobrang say ko this is like my"refuge"

know what i am such a stupid girl... the heck? i know ill never be important for her,,, but please even just one time... one day.... i want her to show me she loves me PLEASE i want them actually oo na ksp damn i dont care what you say... basta. :(

where's my tooth fairy?

2006-04-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

hahaha.
are tooth fairies suppose to kinda help ease the pain caused by braces? if yes... i need my toothfairy now. this kinda sucks. i had my braces last march 30 and it still hurts :(( o for the love of God... i use to have this nice set of teeth with absolutely no need of? for? hahah sorry braces... *yes i know i suck in english my english teacher hates me... all of them wahaha kidding :) no im not, kidding that is* so yeah im suffering from tremendous pain. grrr. okay check you out later... advance happy birthday to kaye a. gorospe.

mah first post

2006-04-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

okay okay this is my 4th blog; nope not because im really fond of making new one its just that i always always forget either my password or username bleh...

okay... senti...
i miss her. (no i dont have a silay, for those of you who are not aware of what silay is its somewhat a crush its commonly used when someone has a crush on the same sex i guess--not that im...its just that i dont have one never had never will)

she is a friend, well yah we can put things that waywell truth of the matter is i feel she doesnt consider me as one... i remember this quote " masakit masabihang mahal kita pero hindi naman kaya ipakita" i dont know maybe im just way too sensitive, still i feel this way as the name of my blog is " you in control of me no more". so yah there going back she is this person who makes me feel stupid, unwanted, unloved, used yet i still love her, martyr? i dont know. i know was never important and will never be in her life still she remains one of the most important part of mine. i am so stupid. she is very popular, she is very kloved so what do you expect, they say" if you have plenty of something its easy to waste and throw'' and well yah she has a lot and i mean alot of friends so i guess its quite easy for her to dumped me, make me sink deeper...bleh. i just dont know everyime i "shut her out of my life" i find myself coming back grr. holy crap. bloody hell. not only that i find my self farther from her heart than where i was before. Today, she barely texts me, or answer my calls..."i know your nature of job; i also know its not an excuse" it hurts cause i love her... i only have few friends...very few and i tend to keep all of them. you never really loved me... lets face it... yes i am in this very senti mode. actually i am evrytime i remember her. thanks for making life miserable.

p.s. ikaw na magagalit dahil inaapi ko daw yung kaibigan mo... go on. i dont care. magsama kayo

hahah mean p.l.